Writing About Her
by Lilac Winters21
Summary: When Merlin was planning to run away with Freya, he wrote a letter to Gaius explaining where he had gone and why he had left.


**Happy Valentine's day! I decided to finish writing and post this in honor of the holiday. After all, nothing says Valentine's day like me trying to break your hearts with Merlin/Freya feels, right?**

**So this is somewhat of a tie-in to my other Merlin/Freya story, **_**Just One Day**_**. This is carefully worded, however, so that it also could be read as canon compliant and can stand on its own.**

**Also, I don't own Merlin. If I did, there would be more than five seasons. **

**Anyway, enjoy reading! Reviews (especially critical ones) are always welcome! **

* * *

Dear Gaius,

I'm sorry for leaving this way. I didn't want to, but I knew you'd try to stop me if I told you. You might be worried right now about me; don't be, I'm fine. You might be angry with me; I understand.

I'm sorry for lying to you, but I'm not sorry that I disobeyed you. I was the one who let the druid girl go free-though you probably have guessed that. It would have been wrong to leave her in that cage, facing execution by Uther's hand. It could have been me in that cage; caught using magic and destined to burn. If it had been, would you have left me there? I don't think you would have; that's why I couldn't leave her there either.

I took her away and hid her in the caverns below the castle. She was safe there; Halig couldn't find her. I brought her food, visited her to let her know that it would be all right. She was so scared, Gaius. Scared of what I would do at first, then scared that I would leave her. But I never would have left her, Gaius. I couldn't have.

She needs me, Gaius, and I need her. We understand each other in a way neither of us have experienced before. I've been alone my whole life-separated by magic from those around me. But I'm not separated from her. For the first time, I'm not alone. And neither is she; she's been unloved and on her own for far too long. Now she never will be again.

She has to get out of the city-she can't hide beneath the castle forever-and I'm going with her. I know I'm abandoning everything: you, Arthur, my very destiny. And I am sorry. But I have to. I love her, Gaius. I love Freya, the druid girl. Every time I think of her I smile. I want to be with her forever, and I can't do that here.

What would you tell me, if I'd told you this before I left? You'd tell me not to do anything rash, you'd remind me of my duty, you'd tell me to stay safe. But I can't heed your advice this time. I need to follow my heart, and it's leading me straight to her.

Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for the protection you've given me; you've shielded me from Uther at great risk to yourself. Thank you for taking me in without question, and trying to guide me and help me understand who I am. Thank you for being like a father to me.

I hope that someday, we'll be able to meet again. Even if we do not, I will never forget you.

Merlin

* * *

_Merlin read over the letter one last time. Had it really been such a short time ago that he had penned these words? It felt like it had been an eternity since he had felt so happy, so complete, so hopeful. Now, of course, it was all gone; gone along with her, his happiness burnt with her body on the lake._

_He'd retrieved the letter as soon as he could after he returned. He'd been exceedingly grateful that Gaius hadn't found it yet; with her gone and himself back in Camelot, there was no more need for his explanations, and he was happy to avoid the extra questions the letter would have raised. Well, happy wasn't quite the right word; he doubted he would be anything even resembling happy for a while. _

_With a final glance at the letter, he tossed it into the fire in front of him. When even thinking her name felt like a knife to his heart the letter would have been far too painful to keep. Unbidden, memories of her swam to the front of his mind, sweeping him away in their flood. The moment he'd first seen her in the cage, the look on her face when he'd offered her freedom from the bounty hunter. The moment they had first kissed and the moment she had died in his arms. _

_And with these memories, remembrance of her, of the person she'd been also flooded through. _

_She was the Bastet, the druid who was rejected. She was the girl who loved strawberries and grew up by a lake._

_She was the first and only girl Merlin had ever truly loved, or ever would love._

_She was the beautiful girl named Freya._


End file.
